With just 7% of communication being the words and 55% of communication being Body Language it is important to understand what you are communicating and the messages you are sending.
This raises another important point for all you Internet Marketers, and that is video. Attraction Marketers like Diane Hochman talk about the importance of video so people will “know you” as they have seen and heard you.
There is another aspect of video which like face to face is important and that is your Body Language. Do a video with your arms crossed and what impression do you think you are sending?
Human Desire in Communication
There are some basic desires of the human, to be liked, to be understood and to be heard. When you are communicating with someone you need to be able to fulfill these desires, mostly non-verbally. If I look at some of the decisions my teenagers make, it is driven by one of those three desires.
The Desire to be Liked
From a very young age we all have a desire to be liked, when you started at school as soon as another kid smiled at you they were your friend! This simple act of smiling attracts people and shows you have an interest in them and from there the bonds of friendship grow.
Deep down regardless of where we come from or our experiences we have a burning desire to be liked, but getting people to like us is a more unconscious process, than perhaps you think. The people we like most are the people we have more in common with. If you look how most job recruitment happens, people hire people who are like themselves. Having worked in companies across the world I can assure you this is exactly what happens.
People like people who behave like themselves, sound like themselves, speak like themselves and when they look at these people they see themselves in that person. Most of this is happening sub-consciously, so do opposites really attract in the human world?
So what techniques should you use to build those relationships and be liked? Here are a few techniques to try:
Raised Eye Brows and Open Eyes – This shows openness and interest in the other person. When we are physically attracted to someone our eyes are wider and our pupils dilate!
Smile – This shows you are friendly, happy and interested in the person you are about to talk with!
Pointing the body – Facing your body towards the person you are talking with shows you are open. You should have your shoulders, knees and feet all pointing towards the person you are talking with.
Touch – Touch always helps to create a bond, as touch triggers release of endorphins in the brain which helps us feel better and give us energy.
The Desire to be Understood
The desire to be understood is huge and if you have ever been in a foreign country and have tried to communicate in that country’s native language you can struggle. You become frustrated, maybe angry and have some pain at your inability to be understood. As with the desire to be liked, sending the right non-verbal queues is important.
You need to make sure you are pointing towards the person you are speaking to, you are focused on them, you are looking at them and of course you can make physical contact, like a handshake. The other key point is to control your speech, how fast you talk, how clearly you pronounce your words and make sure you are looking at the person you are talking to.
I have been in many countries and have experienced this first hand, when I was in Japan I had to face the translator so she could properly translate for the other people in the room. Why I mention this is because it was strange not to face the people you came to meet but to face the translator.
The Desire to be Heard
With the desire to be heard you are wanting to make sure the person you are talking to feels they are being heard. There are several techniques you can employ to make sure the person you are talking with achieves this desire.
You want to make sure you keep constant eye contact when they are speaking, if the place you are in is loud, lean in closer to the person you are speaking with, this shows you are paying close attention.
Every few minutes you should nod and smile and encourage the person with words of praise and always encourage the person to continue.
Finally, if you have a question, don’t interrupt, but raise your index finger to the outside of your lips and when the person looks at you and pauses you can ask your question without being rude or interrupting.
These are just a few points on a very large subject, I will leave you with one last thought from Nelson Mandela:
For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.